Death is certain. A comeback will have to wait.

Archive file, courtesy of my dear onee-chan.

Ahh, those glourious, yet painful, almost shower-less three-week stay
at KPJ Healthcare, Section 20, Shah Alam (yes, I spelled it Tarantino-style).
And that lubang-masuk-ubat thing you see on my hand here wasn't even in its final
position! And this was taken on my last few days at the hospital too! Dang!

Hello, craptards of old. Who still thinks blogs are in and what not in this yet another new year. Yes, a New Year post on February. And it's been a few months since I wrote something in here. Screw you. I can do whatever I want!

Where good old limited blue bird can never do what my wild, uncertain brain particles do best; blab about my life eloquently, in more personal and wordy manner. TwitLonger service sucks (actually, I never understood how to use that shit, and I don't see the point of tweeting an ESSAY of things to say 'cause you know, anything too short can never be trusted that much [another 'teori memandai'... oh yeah, pardon me on my knack to prolong sentences... like what I'm doing right now as we speak]). Blogs are better at expressing bloated, overblown pent up frustrations and stuff rather than those pesky things we call social media websites, right?

Speaking of bloated-ness... I was trapped in the hospital, for the second time, on a much longer period than the first time, again at the end of the semester (for this stay, it's on my fourth semester). I was especially extra-worried back at my confinement; from initially just about my studies, it evolved to worrying about what's gonna happen to my body, my future, and my life. It's all freaking connected to each other. It made me ponder if  everything I ever did for leisure and for seriousness was ever worth it or not. All of this will usually loom in my noodles and  stay there, in my imagination, but the longer I stayed there with nothing to do but watch redundant TV and a failed attempt at catching up with my semi-realistic 'social life' (you know what I'm talking about), the more I think I should move my ass a little bit more than usual while still maintaining the relaxation state, since overworking, resting, thinking too much, and refraining from eating too much stuff that could bloat me up, especially after being diagnosed with a minimal-chain nephritic syndrome (it's a kidney infection thing... go look it up) will only make it worse. This prompted me to be smart about managing and putting a little more thought about my life and what I do with it, which I'm currently still struggling to work on. I'm a half-spoiled brat and half-empty person see. I have all the basic tools I need; like the Internet, now a motorbike, and the whole neighbourhood (and the whole of Shah Alam and beyond) to explore.. but at the same time, I have to get things like extra cash (I'm talking part time jobs; things I never really stuck a luck with so far... not even once), due bike license, house maintenance, and any meaningful and beneficial events or errands to attend to. So I'm not that spoiled after all. I just don't know where to start.

Sorting my life out can be a bummer. Heh, that's just part of being a better grown-up human, huh? Face it dude. You're living with a disease and still breathe... of course all of this nonsense I blabbed up there are just a breeze. Life is easy, but death is easier. Deal with it.

P/S:

1. Generic life shit again. I was never that creative to begin with. I just play with words... and the irony of life... and things that bugs me about the things I feel and see. Well, can't say I didn't try to write a long post after lingering too long in the oh-so-short world of Facebook and Twitter thoughts; both of which are getting more and more useless, but still needed nonetheless, each and every day.

2. Screw you, Zuckerberg and the likes.

Thirst for power sucks.

Indeed.

Once you trained your hardest and did your best in pursuing what you desire and you got it, you'd stop giving any sort of rat's testicles. Because, why bother? You're already so powerful! Why would you have to start to care about something or someone else? Might as well toy with people's trust over you and do whatever you want with it, 'cause they won't care now do they? Of course not. They'd just ignore you so you can do your own thing without any intrusions. Don't waste that precious gift. Seize it!

P/S: This might sound like a serious-toned short note, but this post is actually inspired by my currently favourite manga called Onepunch Man who, well... kicks monsters' ass with just one punch (or hit... or a flick of a finger... whatever!). A very straight to the point manga, if you ask me. And it gives very brief, yet profound insights on life in such short notice. Give it a go!

There are two versions; the badly-drawn original version and the ass-kicking redrawn version. Click either of these to read it.

Questions.

Who the EFF are you?
Who is actually this Muhammad Ikhwan bin Radzali fellow?
Why is he actually here?
What does he actually do?
What does he actually like?
What does he actually like to do?
Does he even do stuff?
Does he move so often?

What is his calling in life?
Is he a big part of the society?
Does the society see him?
Does the society wants him?
Does the society wants to see him?
Does he even care about the society?
What did he do to the society?
What did the society did to him?
Does it have any effect at all?
Did it sting him?
It didn't?
Why the EFF not?

Don't ask me.
Allah made me.
He has all the answers.
I can only guess... and just play along with whatever He planned for me.
He already laid down everything for me.
I just have to be smart enough to look for it.

When will that time comes for me to be smart enough to realise all of these things, eh? I wouldn't know.

Microblogging #3: On respecting intellectual properties (particularly creative works).

I haven't done this in a while, and the title's pretty self-explanatory. So read on, folks. Read on. These comes from my Twitter account, FYI. And I'm not gonna do a long ass explanation on these; it's all there. From bottom to top, if you may.

Anyway, this is a response for a comment I get on my Pecah review. I know it's just ONE comment, but that kinda hurts to blatantly say that, y'know. These are just my two cents. Maybe I wasn't being very clear when I made that review.

Hai, saudara seMuslimku... ayuh #rapatkanSaf!

Aku rasa aku patut letak benda ni kat sini, memandangkan fenomena lubang dan barisan tak lurus dalam saf semakin merisaukan aku. Aku nak pahala extravaganza bila solat berjemaah juga, weh! Please, you all? #rapatkanSaf for our own sake? Dan kalau anda seorang yang rajin, bolehlah sebar-sebarkan risalah ni di ruang internet mahupun di pusat komuniti berhampiran anda! :D

Kredit flyer: Esah Ezral

P/S: Tak terlambat rasanya untuk aku ucapkan Salam Ramadhan kepada sesiapa yang sudi membaca blog aku ni. Sekian. Selamat beramal!

Konteks dah hilang.

Aku rasa aku dah nampak dah apa masalah aku dan sesetengah besar orang sekeliling aku ni... apa je yang aku cakap atau buat, langsung tak ada konteks. Asalkan ayat tu berbunga dan ada kick, kita pakai guna je tanpa memikirkan sebenarnya kita nak apa daripada apa kita ungkapkan tu. 

Orang kata, apa kita buat semuanya ada sebab, kan? Tapi, kita bercakap sebab apa? Sebab nak bercakap? Itu bukan sebab; kau memang nak bercakap, tapi sebab apa? Apa reaksi atau persepsi yang kau harapkan? Kalau tak ada apa yang kau nak atau harapkan daripada apa benda kau cakap tu, baik diam saja. Jangan buat bising bila tak perlu. Dunia ni dah cukup bising dengan kata-kata tak berisi; yang tak ada makna. Tau kencang, tau kencing.

Mana hilangnya konteks segala perbuatan kita ni wei? Manusia macam kau dan aku kena cari sebab kenapa kita ditiupkan ke dalam jasad ni!

Comfort zone is a load of crap.

Even though I consider myself to be a lazy ass bum, truth to be told, I can never superglue my ass wherever it is facing. That's because, well, we must come to the realization that mother earth is an unpredictable fella; it can be your best friend, or it can hit you where it hurts... something like along the lines of losing your home to a hurricane or when you took a bullet to the knee when going on a war or when going on a deer hunt (you get the point).

I mean, look at some of the superstars who defined pop culture like say... Britney Spears, or Christina Aguilera, or Usher, or Enrique Iglesias, or even J.Lo... or many more pop musicians who used to have distinct sounds that sets them apart from each other before the sudden and out-of-whack rise of dance music to the mainstream. They had to give in to the crappiness of the world of generic, sexed up, electronic sounding Top 40 pop songs in order to still be remembered by the masses as the people who were being constantly referred to should he or she is running out of original witty materials to utilize when it comes to producing creative content or even for use in a plain old casual conversations with friends and families in order to make life worth living. It's the risk they willing to take to keep on being popular, even if it is for all the wrong and completely irrelevant reasons. They had to do it. In their head, they are thinking that they had to give up all of the sounds they have established all these while even though people would still love it due to possibly the pressure being applied by record companies to completely revamp who they originally were; sound wise and even more radical, personality wise.

With that said, we were never the ones who stayed in one place. If you look back in history, the people of earlier civilization never did stay in one place; they had to keep going out of their comfort zone so that they can have an even better way of life at a better place with better shelter and sources of food and water. Heck, let's not forget about the hijrah of Muhammad S.A.W. and his companions; even though they grow up there for so long, but after learning that they cannot stay there forever for their lives would be at stake, they had to seek refuge to other places in order to keep on the burning spirit of spreading the Islam love.

In a nutshell, read the damn title of this entry again to conclude this piece of mind. Peace out.

The chill pill.

We have all been there, don't we? We started off to be an aspiring superhero when we were so very young, but we ended up being an established fashion designer instead. Once we are where we at, sometimes wish that it will be swell if we turn back time and stay on the right track. But if we stay at the past too long, our future might suck so damn badly... 'cause y'know, we won't see any kind of rainbow and sunshine if we stay under a comfy rock, right?

Being in love with coughing up ideas (be it technical or abstract/creative ones) and writing it down on my own terms, I found out that this current path I'm in don't really fit me. I can't possibly see myself on the field, day and night, overseeing people's work, help them out doing grueling tasks, and keeping time codes for a film production in the far future. I can only goof around and keep the spirits of the crew members with my antics. I'm good at that. If I still linger around in the field for too long, I'll be holding them and myself down. It's best that they only inspire me to be good at what I do best; a 'cheerleader' and 'a man of ideas'.

On one side though, it's good to be a film student, knowing that you'll meet different kinds of characters that'll eventually contribute to better ideas and concepts to be incorporated into other forms of media, or better yet... to shape a better me. 

So, hang in there, dear self. This is all one big ass chill pill. It might take some time to swallow, but it'll all be worth it for the long run. :) 

Rot to dust.

See, the thing is, whatever we see and touch in front of us, shall rot sooner or later. Take a good care of it, caress it, show that you care about it... before it rots. They can't possibly come to life and be there to someone who doesn't give a crap about them. Or if they do, they'll just become zombie, which also means they'll eat your brains alive.

P/S: Holy ballsacks. I got rusty with blogging already. All I did lately was reviewing stuff and not something about a slice of life such as this. I feel bad for myself. But then again... it's my life and I can do whatever I want with it, no? I'm not expecting for more follow ups, but I hope I can say more about things that matter to me. Fuck Facebook and Twitter, man! Haha!

Hello.

Wow. What happened? Life happened... as well as life lags. Well, mostly the lags.

You are douche bags, dear brain and social media.

Hi. An epiphany just struck me (well, not REALLY an epiphany per se, I just REALLY wanna write something here). So, there's these things called Facebook and Twitter (and many other equally unsuccessful ripoffs of the mentioned social media giants), right? At first, I think it's kinda cool and all for these social media sites to encourage people to not be afraid on spurting whatever it is than runs through their train of thoughts. That said, it is also a bad thing to do.

You may not know this, but our brain can be a big ass douche bag sometimes. Why do you think in actions films the bad guys are always depicted as being super-intelligent and are always given the trait of stylishness? Because it's what they THINK is the right thing to do; they don't FEEL any of that could have serious repercussions. While the good guys? They don't really THINK if any of their dangerous acts of valour might backfire him to the point that he could endanger his own life, but in his heart, he FEELS that it is the only and right thing to do in order to protect his loved ones... which in turn makes him THINK of the best ways possible to save himself, his beloved, and many others who needs to be saved. What happens then? The good guy always wins and the bad guys, despite their elaborate plans to execute bad deeds which are always full-proof in their eyes, are backfired big time in the end. Did any of these things ever occured to you when you watch these films, other than using it as mere escapism? 

Interesting enough, when you watch films that features highly cool and impossible feats that the hero performs, coupled with mesmerising visual effects and tough guy talk, or even a film in a fantasy setting where none of that will never ever exist or happen in the real world, you'll probably got sucked into these films so immensely, that you FORGOT you are actually in the real world, just so that you can FEEL indestructable and able to pull of crazy stunts that you can never do in real life. See how related these things are?

Just make sure both your brain and your heart are always on the same page. Just make sure that both of these organs debate against each other inside of you before you go all apeshit in that virtual, unrealistic world we call the Internet; or in this context, the so-called social media. The world is a vast place, despite the fact that the Internet made it smaller. Which also means that freaks can easily pull off some crazy things to you personally, or just mess with everyone on one fell swoop by being that douche bag who likes to posts fabricated or totally made up facts that isn't even true in the first place, or that douche bag who always argue or provoke a heated thread of conversations just to feed his own sick pleasure of watching the society falls apart just because of some pettily stupid comments or remarks, or that douche bag who just think that it's fine to let go of his pathetically lame alter ego trapped inside for good reasons who goes around embarassing himself instead.

P/S: Social media is also responsible for me to get confused where should I channel my inner artistry without worrying about its exclusivity. Should I just post on my personal blog, or on a team blog I administer, or just post it up on the social media, or put it up in printed form? Fuck you for confusing me, Internet.

Of a virgin.

Once upon a time, there was a boy. A boy with the purest of heart and mind; undamaged, all cuddly, and still a virgin. Because of his pureness, once he is out from the safest bunker in existence, he cried. Why? Because he's afraid... of breaking promises. Promises he made with Him; a promise that says "I shall forever and always be good as long as I can hold on to this world, and shall always make my environment a better place." The guardians of the bunker, then told this boy "It's gonna be alright. With us on your side, you're going to have a great time here. Stop those tears, please?" 

On the first few moments, the boy didn't buy any of the guardians' guarantee. As a result, the guardians must always please this new guest in order to gain his trust. Should he's famished, he gets his grub. Should he's unkempt, he's all gussied up. Should he want to drop a deuce, that's the worst part. Gradually, the boy stopped crying. Why? A bond was built between them. The guardians were then able to tell him to stop crying. They told him all that he needs to know to survive in his next stage of life. Little by little, the boy adapted... to what was taught by the guardians directly and indirectly courtesy of their acquaintances and mother nature. One thing though; those wealth of wisdom was only a foundation. And everyone knows that something must be built on top of a foundation; for every foundation is a start of great things to come... or worst scenarios to bear with. 

Humans, although considered to be His best work, can also be His worst. A newborn, naive human are prone... to the dangers of the new world; and this boy's challenges are no different. He thought with only fundamentals, he is able to make it through. He was wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Humans can be taught, but they are uncontrollable. Because of the humankind's harsh nature, this had left the boy hanging, making him forget his promises. What should he do, even though he knew what he should do? It's a jungle out there. Should he be eaten? Or should he hide? Or should he be one of them.  

Humans. This is what they always be. Always horny when they shouldn't be.

To all women out there / future soulmate... #6

Source: deviantART

I hope you never strayed too far away from my surroundings, or even from my sight should you are in front of me all these times. I hope to get to know you, whoever you might be. Please?

P/S: "Ultra-gay" as it may seem, but who doesn't want a soul mate? Or another half? Right? Okay... maybe the fucking rain or someone indirectly influenced me to put this up. I'm still human, y'know.

The guts.

I do have guts. Heck, everyone does. It's been used literally to manage your digestive system and then figuratively to shit on anybody who messes with you. 

I've seen people with some guts, and are not afraid to use it... accompanied by a sack of hairy balls supporting it (figuratively speaking, of course). But the thing with shitting on people is that... there's always an appropriate place to do so. You can't be shitting on anybody who doesn't have the same interests or views as you at any given time as you please. As with the inner workings of the digestive system, figurative act of shitting also has its specific time and place to bombard those proud feces. Say, if you're a human, you shit in the toilet when you feel like it's time. If you're a kitten, you'd probably do your business in some sands or a litter box when you feel like it's time.

Timing and place; those two factors are crucial and must be considered when you decide to trust your guts and tell them what you mean. For those who don't see that, in some cases, you're a badass. But for most of the time, you're shitting in a garden of pretty flowers. When they die, boy will their ghosts scare the shit of you and piss you off so badly, you'll regret immensely on dropping the deuce on a pretty abode people would call home. You don't wanna do that.

All I wanna say is, be gutsy and ballsy with much consideration. Look at where we stand first. Nobody wants to hear shit from nobodies. You must take the greatest dump of your life before you decide to let your digestive system hang out from your stomach and tell them what it means to have the greatest shit ever... by shitting on them back tenfold!

All in all, mad props and salute to all of you who always impress me with your guts! You have my utmost respect, fellow brethren!

There's no place like home.

Corny and cliche as it may sound to you, but yeah, there is no other place I'd rather be than home. To me (and probably many other sentimental kinds of people too), it's a place where you actually feel a sense of belonging, not left out of doing something with your loved ones and always have a company to interact and have conversations with. Because of this, a house is definitely not a home; not when that house is full of people who doesn't really welcome you there, other than providing you very basic necessities.

Personally, I don't really have an actual house for a home unlike most of you people; just a few rooms and a decent apartment to be exact. But hey. at least I'm treated as one of them, the inhabitants let me be myself and tell me if I suck so that I can improve myself from time to time.

So yeah... I miss my room and my sister's room already. It's good while it lasted eh? Gonna miss the frequent shenanigans and joy that happened in there. Now, I'm in my other home, and I intend to cherish the moments that are bound to happen here.

To all of my UiTM buddies out there, happy studying again! And to my sister; happy belated birthday (I wished her plenty of times already, but meh... just wanna say that again)!

Give and take.

Give and take. It's the most easiest thing to do... and the easiest way to live a fulfilling, peaceful life; knowing that we are willing to give someone we care about the best of our abilities to appreciate them as a person and take up whatever they give us as a sign of gratitude.

Apparently, I haven't given these simple principle that much thought and initiation all this while. Even if I did, I held back. I shouldn't. This is one step to feel good about myself. I should let go of my uptight thinking and live my life to the fullest already. I should, and I must.

I guess these are what have been missing in my life. These must be it.

I am... who am I?

So I have like this unconscious tendency to act and behave like significantly influential people in my life one of these days. Then, this question of sorts hit me... I was suddenly curious on how does one define the popular saying of "just be yourself." I mean, what does that REALLY stands for anyway? So, you are your own self, and that makes you... um... "you?" and all you have to do is be "you" (or your default, God-given self) for the rest of your life? Is that what it meant? Well, gee, if that is what it means, then being yourself sounds kinda boring, don't you think? 

Or maybe, it simply means that, humans are like... empty shells, I guess. They are thrown upon this vast universe, in the middle of nowhere, where they'll meet lots of random encounters of different mannered humans, different kinds of animals, and different types of perspectives? And as time progresses, they'll slowly pick up what they see and incorporate bits and pieces of those new information to form a new kind of being of which I shall identify as... one's self (or, in this context, "yourself"?) Yeah, that's probably it. Made greater sense when it was being put that way.

So, why stay as an empty shell when there's the whole world waiting for each and everyone of us to be willingly absorbed? We are that powerful. Why would some of us waste that talent and just stay with the default, lifeless body, huh? It's quite shameful really. All of us are worth more than being confined in a mold, you know? Each of us are destined to be different. I'm saying this to myself and all of you readers with the hopes that we will always step up our game and redefine ourselves, so that each of us has some distinct uniqueness to be shared, embraced, and proud of.

P/S: It seems that I'm answering my own question. Or, I may be wrong. I don't know. It's just what I think about this stuff.

A thing or two about gloating.

Le reunion of le awesome monkeys is always a good one. And thus, we ARE SUPER-DUPER AWESOME!
(A Raya 2011 picture)

After some talks with a good friend of mine on gloating about ones self, and from how he totally did became awesome in his own right, he put his views on gloating (or, in a better context, refer that word as being the same with 'berlagak') on how great you are each and every day is never a bad thing, especially when you have this mind set of you don't have what it takes to be one of the greats. Thing is... you CAN be great! You ARE awesome! I mean, you're a human being, with the ability of doing whatever you set out to do if you put your mind to it. And this gloating thing about how great you are even when you're not that good, think of it as a... self-motivation. 

When I look at it this way, I think it is only now that I totally get the rationale of why most rappers have taken the liberty to say seemingly absurd things about how much money they got, how successful they are, or how better they are than everyone else; they are looking at the big one for themselves. They always picture themselves to be the best at what they do and puts everyone below their shoes just so that they have that morality boost. Do it in just the right amount and not make everyone feel obnoxious about you, sooner or later, you'll end up trying your best to BE the best.

In a nutshell, hell yeah I'm awesome!

P/S: Eid-ul-Fitr is coming soon; like VERY soon. Yes, it's both a happy AND sad day, but ALWAYS be on the positive side of things, yeah? Have a good remaining days of Ramadhan, people! Remember, we are all AWEEEESOOOOME! :D

The root.

This is not a definitive end. At least I'm staying there as a student. At least I'm still breathing. At least I still hang out and have a good time with my pals and my small family. At least there's good food to indulge. At least there's moderate money to support myself. At least the weather's good at times. At least I have good books to read. At least I have the internet to kill boredom. At least I have a place to crash. At least I'm still able to fast and experience on the holy month of Ramadhan which is ending soon.

NEVER say it's not enough. The root to happiness isn't more happiness, but... it's gratitude and thankfulness towards everything that God have given us. Every given thing has its own reason of being there for us.

So quit that yapping and bad mouthing. Always hope for the best! :)

Mockery of existence.

How does one do that? Simple! Show up and show off for no reason (or the reason being to drive people away because you're so important and not everyone else), establish your own bullshit, stink up the whole neighbourhood with your dung, stand tall and proud of the bullshit that you made and watch the riot that ensues. What happens then?

PROFIT... to yourself for pissing people off! Yeah!

P/S: I write this 'cause that title I came up with sounds totally kick-ass.